I Miss You

It felt like forever. I still cry looking at your pictures, remembering all the memories we had together. I miss your smile, your laugh, your strong will. EVERYTHING about you granda.

I miss the way you cared for me. The way you loved me as your own child. Those sacrifices you did for me. I still regret that day when I've lost you. I never had the chance to ask for your forgiveness for the pain, the trouble I had caused you.

Losing you was very heart breaking. I've not only lost a grandfather, but also my best friend. The one who was there to make me laugh with all his crappy jokes. I missed listening to his story about his past, how he met my grandma, how hard he had to work to make sure his children received a great education.

I still remember the love and passion he have for my grandma, how his face would light up when he talks about her. My grandma was his world. He loved her so much that he can't stand being separated with her.

I'm sorry that I haven't been a good grandchild to you. I'm sorry we had those small arguments. I'm sorry that I didn't get a chance to say I love you.

Granda,
I miss you. A lot.  

Psychology

When all of my friends went to their respective colleges, I was still at home watching TV and playing PlayStation with my lil sis. My mom was worried that I wouldn't get any offer from the public university. She decided I should apply for private universities instead. I applied to many as I wanna please her. 

With every application, I applied the same course, Psychology. But why Psychology tho? It was a calling card for me when I finally know what I'm good at. I love helping people out and listening to their problems. For me, people don't have problem, it's just the way they deal with the situation that turns that into a problem (plus it pays good :P). I had applied an American Degree Transfer Programme because I wanted to experience the difference in learning Psychology here and there in the US countries. Unfortunately, it costs alot T_T 

My second choice of application was Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL). It was a great choice (that's what I think) because English had been my strongest point. I didn't wanna follow my mom's footsteps in becoming a dentist (plus I don't qualify for it LOL) but being in a hospital or clinic just make me feel trapped. I love what my mon do but I don't feel it's for me.

So, back to the story, I had received a text one day. The text was from a public university and guess what, I got an offer in Bachelor of Psychology with Honours. This is my faith, to be a psychologist. I have a lot to learn and so much to share.  Classes already starting, new lecturers, new study environment, new classmates, housemates and roomates, and new friends with different background and stories. 

Will update soon!

brOKen

"Berakhirlah sudah,

Kisah kita dalam percintaan,

Yang menyakitkan,

Pengorbanan ku selama ini,

Hanya sia-sia.

Cinta ku pada mu,

Begitu dalam, di lubuk hati ku,

Benar sungguh-sungguh,

Namun semua hancur,

Dengan permainan dan sandiwara mu.

Hari-hari ku sepi selalu,

Bila terkenangkan saat bersamamu,

Tapi itu semua tak akan kembali,

Selama-lamanya..."

This truly explain my feelings right now. Looks like faith doesn't side with us in this relationship. Maybe it's God ways of saying we are not meant for each other. Thank you for being there for me. I had a blast being with you and loving you all the way 'till the end. I hope one fine day, you will find someone better than me. I had given you time, love, loyalty and I wish I could do more for you to see how much you mean to me. It's okay. I'm a big girl. I can handle the pain. I am grateful to have met and know you. And to have love and being loved by you.

It's hard. I can't lie to myself that I had been crying my eyes out and thinking this is unfair. Love is non-judgemental, but people are. I had blame the world. But now, I can only blame myself for putting to high a risk and I finally fall hard to reality that dreams will never come true. I watch one by one my dreams broke to pieces and stabbing me back.

But hey, who cares right?

It's my own fault.

I just hope it's not too late to hold back some of the dreams. It's time I face reality and stop living in fantasy. I wish it didn't turn out like this but this is reality and I will face it with respect and dignity (if I still have some)

I wish you the best in life and afterlife. I'm sorry it didn't work out for us, but I hope one day you will find someone to love you as much as I love you (or maybe more). Good luck. I'll miss you.

"Satu hari nanti bila kau bertemu,

Dengan seorang kekasih baru mu,

Janganlah sekali sakiti hatinya,

Seperti diriku.

Kini tiada lagi tinggal kenangan,

Saat bersama mu akan ku rindui,

Air mata ku mengalir di pipi,

Aku menangis."

Annoyingly Attractive

It's hard facing someone who sometimes annoys you with the littlest words he said, but it's not for me. That is his chara, and I would never (ever) ask him to change. He's perfect the way he is now. Although there are time he pissed me off, but I can never stay mad at him for so long. I can never stay apart from him. I would missed him. He's crappy jokes, funny comments, and sweet words that I really love to hear everyday.

When I woke up, there will always be some mumbling and nagging in my inbox, but I find it sweet. It shows how much he cares for me and how mature he actually is. Like I said in my previous post, he's my better half. The one that protects me and being faithful to me. I really appreciate him for what he had gone through for me. Yes, I can be hard to handle because sometime I can be too fragile, but he'll always be there for me. Being patience and would still love me. I know I can be annoying but this is me. I want him to see the real me. This is who I am. 

I'm comfortable with him. I can be as crazy as I want too (and naughty too :3). I can tell him about my blue days, my happy days, my mood swing days, my P days (yes we shared a lot), and I can still be comfortable with him. I let him see my natural self without worrying how do I look. Although we had met in an awkward situation, but we had grown stronger day by day and our love also had grown bigger and bigger. I don't mind that he's different from me (interracial love ❤️) but he still understand me. He reminds me of things that I, sometimes, takes lightly. He's a good friend, a great brother and the best lover. He is my bubby.  My one and only bubby. I love u so much!

Let's pray and hope for the best babe. 

Gone to soon 😔

This entry is dedicated to someone special who is now with his Creator.

My granda

He was the best of the best..he was my 'dad'. He had love me more than a love for a grandchild but he loved me like I'm his daughter. He is my hero. He had gone through hard time raising his 6 wonderful and successful children.
1. She's a dentist (non-Government)
2. She's a businesswoman (own company)
3. He's a lecturer
4. She's a businesswoman too (own company)
5. He had opened his own shop (Restaurant)
6. She's a therapist (in New Zealand)

He worked so hard to get them all well-educated. He was only a garbage truck driver in Penang. After he had finished his work, he would sell 'kuih' around town (grandma made it)

And then there's me. His first grandchild. Yes, I'm spoiled by my grandparents. My granda was the sweetest man I ever known. He loves grandma so much that they're unseparable. He can't be at one place for a period of time without my grandma. Although they had arguments (which I considered normal in their marriage), but they still love each other. He told me that if my grandma pass away before him, he had nothing anymore because my grandma is his whole world.

I still remember when I was five, my parents sent me to my hometown via flight (yes, alone) and he would pick me up at the airport and it's been like that since forever. But now, he's gone. 😔😔 I missed him so much that I cried everytime I looked at his photo. He would always be cheerful and strong. He would go through so much just to fulfill my wish. He was caring, loving and he never
forgets. His memory was as sharp as a knife.

On 8th of January, my mom called me and told me he had gone to see his Creator. It was shocking and heart-breaking. On that day, I just finish my last class for the week and was about to go to Penang to see him but I didn't get the chance to. God loves him more than I do. He would always be in my memory. He had left a lovely wife, 6 successful children, 5 sons/daughters in law, 13 grandchildren (and counting) and friends

I would always remember his advice to focus on my study and I remember that I had promise him to be as successful as my mom. I would fulfill that promise granda. Watch me do it. I love u granda. Thoughts and prayers for you. We missed you.

Sincerely,
Your grandchild.

Sweet Apple Pie (Love)

I've met a wonderful person. Someone that understand me and always be there through my ups and downs. He had given me light and comfort. He had given me strength when I'm down and he showed me how love can truly change a person. 

I love the way he makes me feel everytime we texted each other and when we were on the phone talking (mostly things that are spontaneous and doesn't relate to one another). He understand me better than me, myself. Sometime I had times that I would be emotional and even the smallest things can trigger me to become an emo. But he will always be there to love me and wait for me to recover from my mood swings.

He's my better half. He's perfect just the way he is (although he nags random stuff alot). I would never ask him to change because I fell for his chara. He's childish but in a cute way. He love messing around with me and would never gets tired of my complaints. He would listen and hug me from afar and say that he loves me. My problems melt away whenever he's around. 

Although he's a gamer (very addicted gamer) , he would still find time to comfort me and talk to me. I'm grateful that God had given him to me to keep me company for the rest of my life. He's my friend, my bestfriend, my brother and my lover. I would always love you. Let faith decide what will happen in the future but for now, let's enjoy each other company. ❤️

Addicted to Dr. Gregory House

As I had mention earlier in my first post ever (LOL), I had a celebrity crush on House MD. He's really cool although his ethics is not possible for any kind of doctor to have (-..-)

I'm interested to know this guy (House) because the way he act is so cool and relax. It's like he really is a doctor that helps patient (I wish he was real)

Just look at the way he treats his patient. Although it's kindda rude but I still thinks it's awesome. 

For the first time in forever ~ (LOL)

This is my first time writing a blog. I love writing as much as the next person but it never occur to me to create my own blog so that I can share my thoughts and ideas with everyone (well, not really everyone. Just the one who is reading this post). My writing will be in dual language, either Malay or English.

I'm thankful to a friend of mine who had pushed me to create my own blog then just writing stuff down on paper (that would eventually end up in a trash can or I have lost it -..-)

I'm passionate about writing and I would give my time to just write about anything that I think of. Writing is always a favourite part of my life. I express my thoughts and ideas through my writing.

Btw, here's a little bit of intro about myself that you may wanna know. My name is Amanina Tamizi, I'm 19 years old (on Feb 2015). I'm still studying. I'm major in pure science and now I'm in a matriculation based programme for one year. I'm in my final sem now and hoping for the best. April 2015 will be my last month here in this programme (Yay, home!) Then I'm off to university (oh that make me feel so old)

I'm happy, cheerful and friendly type of girl. I'm also open minded (according to situation) I love travelling, mount climbing, forest trekking and most of all writing. I'm a cat lover. I'm obsess with cats (to a point that I have 6 of them as pet) I'm also obsess with Dr. Gregory House (will write about him in my other entry) I LOVE babies. I adore them. During holiday, I would babysit them. Babies are so innocent that I feel that they shouldn't grow up and face the challenging world (in my dreams maybe)

So that's it about me (I guess)

U can ask me if there's a point that I forgot to mention earlier

Adios